Problem
I have recently found that I am getting very upset about my wife’s behavior. I recently hurt my ankle and I have to be off my foot for at least 6 to 8 weeks. Believe me I know that it must be a burden to have to help, but she seems to be extra mean about it. I have to rely on her for just about everything. I have never had to rely on anyone in regard to my self-care. I think it is humiliating to have to ask for help and I feel that she really does not care to help me. We have never had to spend so much time together in such a stressful time. I really am unable to get around except on crutches. I feel like I am a burden and she acts like I am as well.
I would think that this kind of situation would draw us together, but it seems like it is driving us apart. I have not ever felt my wife was overly sensitive to my wants or needs, but this is crazy. If I have to ask for help, she almost ignores me. I know she is within hearing distance, so it just irritates me. We don’t talk much because we’re both upset. What should I do?
Discussion
It seems like the best thing to do is slow down, calm down and think of a way to approach the subject. It is a difficult time for you and probably for her. Being sensitive to each other is difficult when you are under a lot of stress. Maybe choose a time that you could both coordinate how to get through this. When we are upset and possibly angry it is hard to find words to say that could make the situation better.
If you can sit down and talk and have a few guidelines like “be kind” you will probably get further. It seems like when we are stressed we let our common sense evaporate. Just take your time. Ask yourself what you want to express and then think of how you can say what you want to say without being offensive. Try it when you are calm and able to express yourself clearly.
Tip: No accusations, be polite and respectful, remember that you love the person you are talking to. Treat your spouse as you would like to be treated. Go to the "Four Agreements" for guidance, Don Miguel Ruis is the author.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
