Problem: I want to have a better year than last. It seems like a lot of things did not work out the way I expected they would. I have a friend and I use the term loosely, who did a lot to remind me of those things. This person has told me on several occasions that I have problems. I have never discussed my challenges with this friend, but I attributed her saying those things to her and her problems.
She is the kind of person who could find fault in a rainbow. I wonder if she says these things because of the way she looks at life. She seems to try to be friends with others but she has so few friends. The real problem is she drags me down with all the things she says and I wonder if I need to just leave her alone.
She has tried to be there for me as I have tried to be there for her. However, if I want a better year there is a part of me that wonders if I should just let her go. She was not responsible for my problems, but she contributed to my overthinking and maybe even believing she was right.
Discussion: Your friend is not the problem; she is part of the problem because in a way she reminds you of your possible insecurities. In fact, she may even be a blessing because she pushes buttons that make you think and maybe even believe she is right. This is hard to grasp because it is a backward blessing. However the lesson comes, if it catches your attention maybe there is something there. It might make you aware of the work you have yet to do.
It is true that she is not your counselor, but she does get your attention. IF this is a friend maybe you practice your honestly and tell her that you do not want her to remind you of the things that are wrong with you but the things that are right. If she is a friend, she will respect what you have to say. If not, you may not be friends much longer.
We all have problems, and a way of looking at them is to write them out and really analyze how we may have gotten into a particular situation. It may be hard to look at our own issues, but we really can’t change what we are unaware of. Be gentle in your assessment, because it is so much easier to change when we give ourselves the gentle open doorway to change. Love yourself and allow we all make mistakes, and we all have the opportunity to create change.
Do a little soul searching and ask yourself questions of what can I do to have a better year. Possible check in with a counselor to help your assessment of your life as it is right now.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
