Problem: It’s been a difficult year for me. I found that my husband was cheating, and we went to counseling, I just find that not only have I lost respect for him I am beginning to question whether I really love him after all. It has been difficult to put this behind me, because his behavior has not changed. He is still the same self-absorbed person that he has been all of our marriage. He is probably a better dad than a husband but there was a time I could accept that. Right now, I would like to just have time to find me and deal with my life.
I feel like I’m being selfish. I have been one of those women who put everyone ahead of me. My mother was like that, and she seemed content. However, I know that my father cheated on her, and she just stayed and took it. I honestly thought that you stayed in a marriage no matter what. I’m beginning to change my mind about a lot of things.
Where do I start?
Discussion: It seems like you have to have a starting point now, since you have a lot of questions. There are all kinds of books out there that are helpful, so it is a beginning. “Codependent no More” is a good starting point. It will probably bring up more questions. Learning to speak your truth in a way that is not hurtful to anyone else is a good thing to learn, since you seem to have been going along. I am listening to Claire Anstey from my iTunes library. It is an affirmation recording.
I think it is easy to get lost in our lives with some of the odd ways our families handle things. We learn how life is from our family first. We bring those ideas into our marriages even though they did not work in the family. I believe it is up to us to decide for our lives who we are, what we want, and how we are going to live. Some would find this self-centered, but how can we teach our children if we don’t have a good idea of how to find ourselves. There are many good counselors, and it may be time to find your own counselor and get some help with the questions you have.
Don Miguel Ruiz wrote the “Four Agreements.” It is a great little book that gives you simple guidelines to live a good life. Look it up. The first agreement is “Be impeccable with your Word.” That basically means speak your truth! Your truth is what you think, not anyone else’s truth. The journey of self-discovery can be full of things we did not imagine, and decisions we never thought we would make.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
