Problem:
I’m in the middle of a bad relationship. I’m thinking it is time to get out of this and move on. The thing is that my girlfriend and I have been together for so long that I feel obligated to continue to try and take care of her. We have one child, and I love that part of us being together. I am not sure I can leave because of our child.
Other people notice that she treats me like a doormat, and I know I’ve put up with a lot. I want to know how to let go of this toxic relationship without feeling guilty.
Discussion:
I am not sure what exactly is going on as your were not very specific, except to say that the relationship is toxic. You want to know how to get out of the relationship without feeling guilty. I wonder if you’re feeling guilty and going ahead and getting out of the relationship is more to the point. I don’t believe that guilt is a good reason to stay. In fact if that has been a primary factor in you staying in the relationship that means that guilt is one of your triggers and it is time to work on your issues.
If you had said we’ve been to counseling and really worked at making the relationship work out, I believe I could respect that. Staying for love of your significant other would also make sense. Guilt as a primary reason to stay does not make sense. Sometimes we have to feel whatever we feel and still make a good decision about our lives. Your responsibility to your child does not stop if you leave. Taking care of your girlfriend does not go on forever even if you have a child together. You might consider talking to someone about your issues and getting some help with making big decisions about your relationship. At some point you have to make a decision or live miserably for a while longer. This is not about the girlfriend’s best interest—it is about you and your best interest. Please figure out what is really going on with you when you choose to feel guilty instead of doing what is best for you. Your child would probably do better with parents that want to be together.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
