Problem: I am not looking forward to the holidays. I can’t explain why I feel this way, but I just don’t want to be around people. I had a good friend who left this earthly plain around a year ago. She was my go-to person, she was funny, smart, and she got me. I have not ever had a friend like her. My husband loved her too. She was ill for some time, but I did not know that she would leave so soon. I guess I was not prepared for her death.
I don’t think that you get to meet such good people every day. I think I’m still in shock. I don’t want to be rude to other friends, but I also don’t feel like being around them. We always did the holidays. We invited others to come to our homes and had a great time, but I just can’t this year. What’s more, I don’t want to. My husband wants me to move on, but I can’t. What should I do?
Discussion: It sounds like you’re in a grief situation. When we lose someone even though we know that we all have to die at some point it’s hard to accept. It sounds like you have a choice about whether you move on or not. Moving on is most likely the acceptance phase of grief. I think we move through all the stages, and we have to respect that it is just the way things are.
You are going to miss your friend sometimes more than others. The holidays have such meaning that when a holiday comes around you actually feel it more. It may seem simple, but it is really not. We go through the stages of grief in our own time. Be respectful of yourself in the midst of your grief. Write her a letter and pour out all of the things that you wish you could have expressed to her. Have a glass of wine and cry a little, celebrate her life. Do whatever you feel good about doing and be gentle with yourself.
Losing a dear friend is hard and no one can predict how long it takes to get through. Respect where you are at. Sometimes you have to take time for yourself. If that is less than you did before, so be it. Be kind and loving of yourself and do what you can. Feel what you feel; you really don’t have to please others at your own expense. Sometimes you have to just take time for you and where you happen to be.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
