Problem: I am married and I am trying not to be picky, but my husband stretches the truth. It is small things that really do not matter but it is pretty consistent. I have gotten to the point that I check on what he says because he does this ridiculous behavior most of the time with me. He seems to be pretty defensive about this behavior and will not admit that he is doing it.
I have a hard time trusting him because of it and it makes me think less of him for all of his little lies. I wonder why because it is never something that really matters. Sometimes it is something that makes him look better and sometimes he just stretches a truth to an extreme.
Maybe he is trying to please me by his little stories but I don’t think he realizes I am losing respect for him.
What can I do?
Discussion: I believe that people lie for all kinds of reasons from not wanting to make someone feel bad to just making that fish story sound a little better. The challenge is that it becomes somewhat of a habit and once you have told someone something you have to continue so you will not look bad.
It may help you to express how you feel with him and have a good conversation about how you feel about him when he does this behavior. He may have some issues of wanting to look a little better at something or other, than he really is. It could be a self-esteem issue, but no matter what it is you may need a counselor to help you find a better way of communicating. I am not sure how long this has been going on, so instead of just continuing with behavior that does not work, find someone to help you get to the point of what is going on.
Tips for honest communication:
- If what you are about to say is hurtful, harmful or demeaning, slow down and think before you speak.
- Speak in “I” statements” I think, I feel, my opinion is, this is how I see it. Own it if you say it.
- If it is critical, again rethink it and figure out how to say what you want to say without making someone else feel bad.
- Tell the truth in a respectful way.
- Do not mind read.
- Do not accuse.
- Do not take other’s behavior personally, they do what they do because of them not you.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
