Problem: It seems like a lot of the problems that I see come across in your articles are written by women. Do women focus on the problems that men like me seem oblivious to? What kind of problems are going on in a relationship and specifically mine that I am missing?
My wife seems to do a lot of complaining about how I am thoughtless, too busy, I don’t give her attention. I have heard it all before and generally she settles down and things get better. I don’t think it is me; I think she just likes to complain, so I just keep quiet knowing it will all work out.
Now I do get tired of hearing about my faults, but since she does not seem to press the issue for long, I figure she is just letting off steam. Am I right about this? I don’t want her unhappy, but I do not like to talk about the same things over and over again.
Discussion: It could be that there are many more women who discuss their problems than men. I don’t think it is because women have more problems, but they are more prone to trying to make their relationships better. I sometimes think that women think more than men do, but the truth is men think differently.
When a woman complains she usually feels she has something to complain about. If she has a husband who sits down and communicates with her, that really does go a long way towards understanding and solution. However it is when there is not discussion and the problems keep cropping up.
If you have developed understanding then you have a place to work from. It sounds like you have a wife that makes a lot of noise and then as you said she calms down and lets it go—that is until next time. Maybe you have noticed that she complains about the same things. Does that sound like you have come to any conclusions and worked through the challenges of your relationship. It does not sound like it to me.
Maybe you could act interested in what she has to say and maybe you could actually address the issues she is bringing up rather than ignoring things until she lets the issue go.
Tip: If your partner keeps bringing up the same issues, those issues are not settled.
Results come from partners actually owning their part of the problem and working on the issues at hand. In other words you have to work on your marriage and get comfortable with discussion and conversation.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
