Problem
I have an old friend whom I have known for a long time. We have known each other and been through some trying times, but we had a falling out and I’m not sure I can get past this.
She has become more and more intolerant of people and often condemns others for the color of their skin. She has a certain religious bias and claims to love others as she is Christian. I have tried to say that we don’t agree on some of her views of life, but she refuses to listen. She is stubborn and wants to be right. I think in the past I would just ignore her lapses in judgment and outspoken ways. Here is the bottom line—I am just tired of hearing a lot of her radical points of view.
I am not sure of what to do, so I am asking. Do I give up on a lifelong friendship because I now find my friend offensive?
Discussion
I think that you can give this friend space and time. If you feel compelled to drop her as a friend, maybe you could rethink that. People grow apart but that does not mean it is a forever thing.
I’m not sure that you have discussed this with her, but it does seem to require a conversation at the very least. It might put you more at ease if you sit down and talk and set up some boundaries about how to communicate with each other. You do have the right to set boundaries about what you talk about.
Let’s just say you have the conversation and she can respect your boundaries, then that would be a great outcome. If she decides that she cannot respect your boundaries then I imagine that you give her time and space. Good friends are a gift. If she does not honor you not wanting to talk about certain things, then I would say she is not going to continue in a friendship with you.
Think about what you want to say and be assertive and calm. You can agree to disagree and still be OK. The outcome might mean you spend less time together. I don’t think that would be a bad thing.
We have a right to think what we think, but we do not have the right to force our opinions on others.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
