Problem
I have just been feeling like what is the use. I am not suicidal, just tired of trying so hard and getting very little in return. I think it is due to circumstances in my marriage. My husband and I have not been getting along and it seems like when I try nothing seems to work. I’ve tried to tell my husband about how down I have been. He just says things like, “Just get over it.”
I wish I knew of a way to get over things, but maybe too much has happened to get over. My mother died with COVID and I have not been able to move past that. My husband and I have been married for over 10 years and most of that time has been good. Since I lost my mom, he seemed not to understand my loss. He seems so emotionally not here for me.
Maybe he does not understand what it is like to lose part of your family since he really has not lost anyone that I know of. I am just confused and don’t know what to do.
Discussion
I am not sure that the marriage is the problem as much as you are in the middle of grieving over your mom. It is very hard for anyone to know what another person is going through if the other person has no frame of reference. In other words, his lack of understanding is limited.
I would encourage you to talk to a person that deals in grief issues so that you understand what it takes to get through this process. It is natural to have a lot of down moments when you lose someone. Not all people handle loss in the same way.
If most of the marriage has been good, that really is a plus. He may not have the right words, but you have had many good years from what you say. When you talk to someone, express what you are going through and expect that counselor to have an understanding of your situation. Your husband on the other hand has no training in that field. Be patient with him and talk to someone who can help you. This may sound harsh, but your husband is not a counselor. He may be trying to help you by his limited understanding.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
