Problem
I feel that my husband has lost his love for me. He rarely looks at me and for that matter there is little conversation in our lives. I don’t know what happened, but it seems like somewhere along the way, we got so busy that we did not fit ourselves into the day the way we used to. We have grown children but we are, for the most part, alone in the house.
I know that I love my husband but it feels like we are just roommates who share a house. When the kids come home we have so much joy because they are the best of our family. I miss them but they live a long way off and have their own lives. I knew they would eventually leave, but it did give me a sense of an empty nest when they left.
I’m not sure there is a marriage to save, but I want to know if there is something I can do to make this arrangement more loving.
Discussion
I’m wondering what you have done to get your relationship up and running. Has your husband followed you or did you follow him to this distant place. I often see people disappointed in their relationships but they seem to be waiting for some magic moment to fix things. Bottom line is that you must do something different to get something different. You did not say that your brought up the subject and that you have talked about it. This is your life and it seems to me that you do have something to talk about. Start the conversation.
If you are feeling this way, chances are your husband is to. Relationships do not magically fix themselves, there is work that can be done to bring them to another level and balance. Do not wait for him to bring up the challenge of your relationship. You sound unhappy but you described the relationship as an arrangement. When did you decide that and did your husband decide that with you? If you love him and you have a family together, stand up express an opinion or two about what is going on, and ask him what he thinks. This is not an accusatory thing it is noticing what you describe and figuring out what part is yours and letting him figure out how to make this better. Do not be so willing to continue as is, because you could have so much more if you worked at it.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
