Problem
The problem, I believe, is me. I have a pretty down way of looking at life. I have spent a lifetime of being pessimistic about just about everything. It sounds bad, I know, but I feel compelled to check things out and make sure that things are in order. I check and recheck what has to be done. I make lists every day so our household runs correctly and everyone gets things done. It is a never-ending process of keeping things in order. My family hates that I check and double check everything. My question is: if I did not do the checking who else would? I’m about to give up and let everyone fend for themselves because I am exhausted, and the family complains constantly about what I do. My teenage children will not do a thing if I do not check on them.
I could be a helicopter mom and a controlling wife, or I have a non-compliant family. I’m tired of taking the heat for everything that goes wrong, and not getting any credit for what does work. I am definitely underappreciated and I complain a lot. Any thoughts on what I could do?
Discussion
I do have an idea: quit doing everything for everyone and begin to take care of yourself. I don’t know that you are negative, but it sounds like you are overwhelmed with family taking advantage of your organized nature. You have not learned that people grow from figuring out their lives and by doing what needs to be done on their own. Your children let you do a lot and it seems like they may be unappreciative. You did not mention your spouse and possible complaints from him, but I imagine that he lets you do the same for him. Now I could be wrong, but what you have described is a woman who does way too much for her family. On occasion the husband of the household takes on this job, but it is usually the wife.
When you love someone, you are honestly allowing them to grow and become a fully functioning human being. If you do too much for them, it is frustrating to you and them. If you reflect, I imagine you learned to get things done by some example. Maybe that was what you were taught. Children really have to make a few mistakes to learn how to not to do things that don’t work. Your job is to encourage them, not take over for them. If you do everything for everyone, you will be overwhelmed and underappreciated. Please stop and learn to set some boundaries with your children and husband. If you feel you need help with this, please talk to someone and get a few pointers.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
