Problem:
This is an ongoing problem that I have with my spouse. He very frequently goes through my phone. We had a problem some time ago. He had a fling a couple of years ago, and it nearly broke up our marriage. I have never been the kind of person that had a want to go through other peoples’ things, and I haven’t done that myself. However, since my husband had his problem, he has become a detective, and I am the subject of his curiosity. I don’t have anything to hide, so I wonder if he just has a problem. Maybe he feels guilty, I don’t know.
The question is what should I do? He is a good man, and I would never have expected this outcome.
Discussion:
On a personal level I would expect people to honor privacy, in journals, texts, phones etc. It is an invasion of personal space and privacy not to. I have noticed that a lot of people do not honor or respect that kind of privacy. Times and life have changed, and people do not seem to understand that privacy extends to tech.
A bottom line issue is that I did not hear you mention what conversations about this problem you have had with your spouse. I am not sure that you have told him that you don’t like what he is doing. You have to say something if you hope to address this problem.
You mentioned that he might feel guilty himself and expects since he hurt you that you might do the same thing to him. However it is, you can’t solve the problem if you do not address the problem. You are still together so I assume that it is the plan moving forward. Another question you might ask yourself and him is how we have “a rest of our lives” together. He made a mistake, and it seems that you decided that the marriage could be saved. Another plan is how do you want to do that.
If you are unable to figure this out, talk to someone about this issue and the issues of the marriage. A professional could help you both sort things out.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
