Problem:
I’m not sure it is a problem, but here goes. I dread holidays. My children are grown and gone, and I feel very little inspiration to do much of anything. My husband is wanting his regular spread, and I could care less. He does little to nothing to help, but sit in front of the television, watch games and expects me to provide the meal etc. I’ve always thought it was unfair, but that is what we have always done.
I feel like preparing sandwiches and nothing more. I don’t want to be mean, but this is very selfish of him to expect me to wait on him hand and foot. What should I do?
Discussion:
It sounds like it’s time to change it up a bit. I think you should out and out tell him what you think and ask him what part he would like to play in the scenario he envisions and what part he would like to play in yours. When it comes to preparing a meal, it would help if he had some skin the game. In other words, if he wants a big meal he could and probably should help.
You have trained him to rely on you because you have done it for years. Why would he expect less. It sounds like a rut to me, but you just have to change it up a bit. If he wants to help, you might start with simple things that he already knows how to help with. If he chooses not to help, have sandwiches and don’t go to all the trouble of preparing a feast.
If you want something different you have to do something different. Go out to eat, order a meal and have it delivered, or actually have sandwiches. He might not like it as well as having you do all the work. Here it is, I think you must love your husband but you both deserve some good times together without having to prepare a big meal. I’m not sure this will reach you in time, but when you read this think about what changes you’d like to see and talk about those changes.
Have a great season!
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
