Problem: I have a bad temper at times. I remember as a child I was often reprimanded and spanked for getting out of line. I was not a kid that acted out, but my parents had a short fuse, and it was easy to get spanked for literally anything depending on their mood. I avoided them as much as I could.
I knew I had a problem with authority, so I have tried to stay away from people who are controlling. I don’t like to be told what to do, and truthfully, I like to work alone. I would say I’m a solitary person who is thoughtful and usually kind. I don’t treat others in a way that I find disrespectful. The problem is that I don’t work around people with the same mentality. I’ll be frank, I work with quite a few women whose main goal it seems to stir people up. I avoid idle chit chat, but it seems like it’s going to happen even if I don’t like it or participate.
I think it was the powerlessness and unpredictability of my parents that caused me a lot of grief. I swore I would not make their mistakes. My work situation is a burden to me, and I think I bring that home with me. I just feel like being a raging “B” when I get home. I am married and have no children yet. I’m even reluctant to have kids. I don’t like feeling like this. My husband is a kind and gentle man, but I think I take my frustration and anger out on him. I just want peace, from the behavior of other people.
Discussion: I hear you and I think I understand where you are coming from. We do live in a world full of people, all kinds of people. If we lived in a cave on a mountain top, we probably would not have to deal with people. Being accepting of differences in others is part of the deal here on this earth.
I believe that there is a great piece of growth that has to happen for us to get to a place that is functional and interactive with other people. We have to choose peace in many situations so that we are not pulled into other peoples’ drama. It has to be a choice to say no matter what happens I choose peace. I believe that it is a choice to find what brings us peace and do a lot that brings us to that point. It’s work that you can do alone, or you can choose a mentor counselor to help you work out your issues. It may be that you are allowing other people to steal your peace and maybe your joy.
Breathing in peace and letting go of other people’s stuff does work but it takes practice. If you have spiritual practice of breath that works too. You have to have a plan to create your safe space. It can be done. Please find someone to talk to and understand it’s a blessing to have someone to talk to.
Read “The Four Agreements.” A beautiful, simple little book that is easy to understand and when put into practice changes your life.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at jsanchez1448@sbcglobal.net or through High Plains Journal.
