Problem: I recently lost my husband. It was unexpected and I had no clue there was anything wrong. It was a heart problem. We had children together, but no one lived close by. However, since this happened, they have come back home and I’m sorry to say that I think that they are looking for their inheritance.
We had a will, and everything was left to the surviving spouse. I am not equipped to deal with this right now, and I feel that they are pushing for resolution so they can go back home. I am unwilling to talk about this right now. I feel a little bitter that they did not put much time into visiting and keeping in touch with us, but that was the way it was, and I accepted it at the time. The will is very clear, and I guess they can accept or reject. I love my children, but they have been used to gifts of money and so forth. Both my husband and I were generous to them.
It’s sad but I really would like to have time to grieve and get my life together. What should I do?
Discussion: I think you need time to grieve and sort things out. You have a lawyer that has the information that you need. Please refer your children to him. You have the information from the will, I am sure. Hopefully your children can understand that you are just following the directions in the will.
It is difficult to say that at these times, family often forget their love and respect and take on an attitude of what is due me. I have observed this many times, but actually it might be a human nature issue.
Please sit down with them and explain what was in the will, with your lawyer if need be. Explain that this is not a time to discuss outcomes. You need to sort things out for the rest of your life, and you do need the time and space to think. Your children love you, I am sure, but people are often a little self-centered when it comes to family outcomes. Be patient and as kind as possible with respect to yourself and them.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
