Problem: I’m struggling trying to figure out how people can see the same reality in such different ways. I recently visited with one of my children and he described a different childhood than I remember.
I was raised in a household where there was little extra money for some things other children had. I knew we didn’t have much and I started earning money to pay for the things I wanted. I thought that made sense. I did not feel deprived, but I knew how to create income. It was not complicated, that was just the way it was.
My son describes his childhood not as I saw it or remembered it, and I think he feels bad about it. I know I can’t change how he sees his life and I wonder if somehow he was deprived in some way.
Discussion: We all learn from our childhoods, but I would guess if you asked each sibling in the same family how they would describe it, you would hear varying stories. An event could have happened and each person had a variation of the same event. We all have different views and understandings of life. I think the problem is when we try to make our version right.
There are things that have happened in life that may have felt unfair. We all are a bit self oriented and we put things together in our way. Maybe you do not need agreement on your past history, maybe it is better to try and understand each other. Hear the other person out and stay away from pushing your agenda. You are entitled to your opinion as much as the other person is entitled to theirs.
Maybe the plus is that your family member said something about how they felt, and there is no problem with that. I believe if there were hundreds of people looking at a piece of artwork, their translations would reveal many views maybe even similarities in how they saw the artwork.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
