Problem: I have a teenage daughter, and we live in a small town. Everyone knows everyone and in a small town everyone talks a lot about everyone else. My husband and I have talked about her because no matter where we go and what we do, she manages to stand out. I think it is intentional. I think she dresses to attract attention, but she denies that. She tells me I’m out of style and just don’t get that things have changed.
She has always been rather rebellious and does not like rules. It seems like she intentionally argues with me. I’m too strict and from her perspective I’m out of touch. I feel bad and want us to get along. She gets along with my husband most of the time except for the way she dresses. I don’t want to be hard on her, but I think there is a limit on how much skin you can show.
What do I do? I can’t monitor all that she does, but I am a little embarrassed that she has to push the limits. No one has told me anything, but it is a constant source of us not getting along.
Discussion: You don’t mention her age, but it would be helpful. Do you want change at school or at home. Schools do have guidelines for manner of dress that is acceptable inside of the school. Find out and see if she is following the rules at her school. The rules are the dress code for the school that mandates what the students can wear at school. That is simple enough.
If this is a power struggle with her and you, make a decision with your husband, and come to some conclusion as to what is acceptable when you are out together. She may not want to follow the rules, but it seems like the less of a power struggle the better. In fact, if both parents are there during the discussion the better. She sounds like a teenager figuring out what is good for herself. Stick together, give up the struggle and negotiate what is appropriate in your sphere of influence. The school is to set the guidelines at school, so I think you have that covered. I think the more you and your spouse are aligned the less she has to resist with you.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
