Problem:
I have been feeling bad about myself for quite awhile. I can’t say that my wife does much to help me feel good. She is super critical and for the most part I understand where it comes from. Her mother is the same way. My wife is a bit aggressive and if things don’t go her way she will let you know.
We have kids and they notice that she is pretty rough. I feel like such a wimp because I don’t stand up to her. I have felt that we needed to divorce or separate, but what about our kids? What should I do or say?
Discussion:
It sounds like you are in a loop of feeling bad, letting your wife be aggressive and probably controlling. This is a pattern of behavior and it does not work. She may be aggressive to your passive, but this pattern is about poor self esteem. It sounds like you want to say something, but you don’t. She says it all and not very kindly. Both of these styles of communication need correction. Don’t go get a divorce, figure out this marriage so it can be better.
These following items have helped me more often than not. They are from the book “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom” by Don Miguel Ruiz.
Be impeccable with your word, which means speak your truth.
Do not take others personally; they do what they do because of them not you.
Do not mind read—ask questions and for you stick with it so you are heard.
Do the best you can—that means try.
Do not give up; find the keys to making your relationship better. Seek help. Agree for the two of you, and go see someone. Work on you, for your sake, if she goes along great! Your self esteem is your work, as is hers. You can’t fix another person.
