Problem
I have a woman friend that I am very fond of and really think this relationship is the one. There is a problem, though, that I do not have the answer to. I have social media and so does she. I feel that I’m an honest person and if I were not ready for a serious relationship I would say so. We have both established that we are ready to have that kind of relationship.
Here is the problem: I do not feel that anyone needs to look at anybody’s social media unless they are asked to. I have never felt the need to share passwords, etc. Well, the thing is that she would like access to my social media and is really fairly offended that she does not have that information.
If I leave my phone lying around she has no problem looking at texts that come in. I think it is a little strange that she wants this information. I have done nothing but be honest with her and she says that is OK, but on the other hand she seems to be snooping. We have talked briefly about this, and she says she trusts me but it does not look like it to me. How should I approach this issue?
Discussion
I think there is an issue of trust going on. I personally think it is intrusive to look at another person’s phone without being asked. I think in the past we would know not to read personal letters, etc. Things have changed and people have changed so you are going to have a chat with her about what you think and feel.
The key to a good relationship is good communication. If you care to bring it up, you have nothing to lose if this really is a good relationship. If she has past issues of trust in other relationships that may be what is at the bottom of this behavior. At some point we all have issues and those issues do come up as we spend more time together.
You might say that you have noticed the behavior and would like to talk about it. No accusations, just talk. Listen to what she has to say, and I would think that would be a good time to talk about expectations that you both have in a relationship. Be honest and expect that from her as well. If this is the person for you, it seems like this is a good place to start.
Tip: Be honest, be patient, be kind. The guidelines although simple will get you far.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
