Some of best humor has roots at the sale barn

Sometimes at the sale barn we have to make our own humor. One guy who sorts cattle at the sale said he was going to be gone for our Tuesday sale. Then we found out he had taken his girlfriend to the doctor. He is about 58 years old.

So naturally I texted him and said, “I heard you went with your girlfriend to the doctor and I’m just curious—is she pregnant? His response was, “No, but she had to take test.” So I said, “Well, if so I’ll start thinking of some names.” His response was one word, “Open!”

He’s 58 years old, so I said, “You must be shooting blanks or maybe at your age no shot at all.” His one-word response was, “Stupid.” Then I found out she was having her eyes worked on. And, of course, we all chimed in that he shouldn’t do that ‘cause if she figures out what he looks like she will leave him.

I read an article that stated it was predicted that by the beginning of 2023 the author thought we would have 2 million head less as far as the United States cattle inventory goes. He also stated that with the possibility of a recession the demand could get less, so even though that many less cattle should bring record prices. You might want to consider that possibility.

I’m hearing horror stories about the number of cows showing up down south because of the drought. And the majority of the middle-aged cows and older are going to slaughter even if they are heavy bred. On Tuesday feeder futures had rebounded 150 to 250 points keeping very good incentive on all calves and feeder cattle.

A cowboy rides his horse into a small town. He is thirsty so he hurriedly tied his horse to a pole next to the bar and goes in for a drink. He comes out a few minutes later and hollers, “Someone stole my horse!” He looks at everyone and says, “I am going to walk back into the bar to get myself another drink. And if I don’t see my horse tied right in front of this bar then I will have to do what I did in Texas a year ago after someone stole my horse. And trust me I didn’t like what I had to do in Texas a year ago.”

After his confident speech the man walked back into the bar. All the town folk looked at each other in fear and he got his horse back. After he finished his second drink and walked out of the bar and walked up to his horse the bartender said, “Sir, I have to ask you—what did you do in Texas?”

The cowboy looked at him and said, “I walked home.”

Editor’s note: The views expressed here are the author’s own and do not represent the view of High Plains Journal. Jerry Nine, Woodward, Oklahoma, is a lifetime cattleman who grew up on his family’s ranch near Slapout, Oklahoma.