Problem
I wonder if my negativity is based on past history. I really can’t remember when I thought that things would work out. My mother even told me when I was young to look at the bright side. It was a mystery how I could think like I did if there was not a frame of reference.
I can remember my dad saying negative things, but mother was the opposite. She was the sunny disposition to his cloudy day. I was usually around her since my dad was a farmer and she did most of the child rearing. My siblings seemed to share her same point of view.
I remember being in school and working so hard to get good grades and being so disappointed that it was not perfect. I did not find a lot of perfection in grades, but I did my best and was often disappointed. The thing was that I had few friends growing up, because they were often disappointing to me. They were not perfect.
I raised children with my “perfect husband,” and I worked hard to try to mold them into my standard of perfection. I can honestly say I pushed them away with my standards, and we seldom talk as they think I am bossy and pushy. They are probably right; however, I think I was trying to help them not to be disappointed. By the way the perfect husband was not perfect either. I am finally seeing my way of being critical and a perfectionist has hurt my life.
Discussion
We all learn from our families good and not so good. We can take what we learned and see how we use those teachings, and at the very least, we have to find out what works. Now the question is how do you make amends for the things you thought would work and that did not work? Life reflection allows us to see those things if we have an open mind and are sensible enough to figure out how we might change some of the things that do not work.
Your personality does enter in as well, but the same is true. The truth is that we are not just our personalities we are people who have discernment to figure out what needs to be changed. It seems like you are at a point of moving forward because you have those questions. It does matter what you do with the information. Talk to someone and let them help you make some changes. Do not be too proud to make changes in your life. We all have to make adjustments. That is life.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
