Problem
I have been dating a woman for about 4 months, and I have run into some problems. It started off pretty well. We got along well and she was so helpful and loving. We talked so easily and she seemed perfect. There were a few things that kind of bothered me but not enough to stop dating her.
She had children and was very kind to my children. It really did seem like an ideal relationship. Maybe I’m just confused. I have not asked her about her ex relationships, because I figured that was none of my business. I figured we were both starting fresh. However she does not think like that. She has asked me about my ex and has gotten overly curious about so many things. It seems like she is looking for a problem, and is very jealous of what she perceives as my current relationship with my ex. This seems unusual.
It seems to me that she is almost obsessive about my past. I am not sure what to do aside from saying that I think she is too curious. That does not seem to deter her and she keeps on digging for information. Is this unusual? This issue has made me think that we might need some distance. I care for her and she cares for me, but this is almost wrecking what I thought was a good relationship.
Discussion
When you have past relationships, I think there is a natural curiosity about what happened in the past. This does not mean demanding every nitpicking detail however. If a person comes from a place of hurt and there was infidelity, it can cause the individual to become distrustful. I don’t know anything about her, but I would guess there is leftover hurt from a past relationship. It could be that she is somehow trying to make sure it does not happen again. She seems to have issues that need discussion.
This issue becomes a control issue and an intrusive issue depending on how they have worked on those issues. If you have said, in an upfront way, how you really feel about her obsessive curiosity about details, maybe you need to be more direct. If she continues after discussion perhaps it is time for a little distance and getting a perspective on where this relationship is going. Counseling could help work on the communication issues, also be direct about how you feel.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
