Problem
I have noticed that I feel a little disappointed in my friends lately. It seems like we have always been close or so I thought. I am noticing that when they ask for help, I seem to be the only one doing the work. I’m organized and it is easy for me to get a lot done in a short time. I’m the go-to person but I’m beginning to think I’m the unpaid workhorse. It seems like if I say yes to a favor, I end up doing most of the work. It is generally like this, but I just started noticing lately.
I think I have been taken advantage of and as I look at it all these years later, I am angry. I don’t want to be rude, but it seems that people I counted on, weren’t there for me when I was doing something for them.
Discussion
Now that you have noticed a trend in your choice of friends maybe it is not them maybe it is you. Could it be that you have a tendency to be a people pleaser? If so, it may be that you need to learn to say no when you mean no more often. If you have a tendency to say yes to most things, you really do teach other people to count on you doing whatever they ask. It is best that you become more discreet about taking on other people’s projects just because they asked. It may be that you have been on an automatic reply: Sure, I’ll do it. You see no one wants to do so much for others unless they are people pleasers who want to be liked. Being liked is often part of the problem.
If your friends stick around even when you say no, they probably are friends. If you say that you are not taking on a lot of projects right now and let them figure out how to take care of their own stuff, they probably will get the picture and even understand. If you have a hard time setting boundaries and your life is at the disposal of others, why wouldn’t they depend on the person that usually says yes.
Set some limits so that you have time to do the things you really enjoy—just for you. If you do not know dig a little deeper to find what makes you happy. If you do not count yourself as important as others it is no wonder that you are in this position. You really have to do a little self-exploration to figure out what you want.
Counseling does help, so talk to someone.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
