Problem: My spouse is a person who is very opinionated and politically motivated. That is not a bad thing, but he stirs things up and will generally want to have his opinion be the right one. He will argue with anyone pretty much at any time. I have so little want to argue with anyone. I’m perfectly content to share for the sake of sharing. I have told him so many times that I find this kind of behavior offensive. We have lost friends over his behavior. He says they were not his friends anyway because they did not agree. I sometimes cannot stand to be around him. He is a bully.
My husband has done this with our older children. Most times they just ignore him and our older children hardly speak to him. I feel sorry for them and me, because we seem to have so little value to him.
What is wrong here?
Discussion: Your husband sounds aggressive in his way of dealing with people, including your family. It may be hard to believe, but his actions speak to his low self-esteem. If you have to argue to be right, it is not respectful of others. On some level he knows that but chooses to do it anyway. He seems to want the last word, but that behavior pushes people away. Assertiveness allows people to have their own opinion and you to have yours. Assertiveness is a win-win way of communicating. You don’t have to agree, and that is okay. You can simply agree to disagree.
Most people who resort to his methods have been taught somehow or other that if they get the last word in, they have somehow elevated themselves. Actually, it is the opposite. People move away from that behavior. He is almost defeating himself with his own behavior. If you look back at his behavior, somewhere along the way someone probably taught him that behavior.
I would suggest some counseling to work on communication as it seems that it is creating problems in the marriage.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
