Problem:
My daughter is having problems. I do not see myself as an interfering parent, but I really want to tell her what I think and what she should do. She is floundering. My husband has no question of what to do, and he wants her to come home and that’s that.
I’m not sure that I am right, but my thought is she needs to try and figure things out for herself. She is smart and has managed to do pretty well. This is a relationship issue. She did point blank ask me what she should do, and I said that I have feelings about the whole thing and that it was hard to be objective. My husband says break up with the guy. He has treated her badly and I feel bad for her going through this. I’m trying to look at this from an objective position. Ultimately if she does what either her dad and I think, she is still doing what we think is right for her.
I’m all for her having the opportunity to use her own critical thinking, look at the pros and cons and from that point to make a decision. Am I wrong?
Discussion:
When it comes to right or wrong, in this situation maybe it is a learning experience that your daughter needs to go through. We cannot live our children’s lives for them. We can love them, encourage them, offer bits of information but it is not our job to decide for our grown children. If she is in a relationship, I would imagine that she is a young adult.
If you make decisions for her regarding relationships it could back to haunt you. Young people often ask for ideas, not concrete ideas of what they should do. I’m going to say set some boundaries and tell her you are offering information but in no way shape or form do you pretend to know what is best for her. You have your ideas, that is all. If you were in a similar situation, you could probably offer what you might do, but that’s plenty to say.
The experience of life is a huge learning tool. We have to make a few mistakes and adjust to what life offers. She might need to talk to a counselor as that might be some objective ideas from someone who is not a family member. I hope this helps.
Tip: If you tell someone what to do, then you will somehow become responsible for their outcomes.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
