Problem: I have a simple question, do people change? I have been married for over 30 years, and I have been waiting for my frog to turn into a prince. It isn’t that I haven’t mentioned to my spouse that he is very hard to understand. He is often in a humorous mood and feels the need to joke just about anything. He is funny, part of the time, but he can get on my nerves. I’ve asked him not to do this behavior, but he has not stopped in all these years.
I’m wondering if I should just deal with it since most other things in the marriage are tolerable. He also does this with other people, and I see their reaction and I am a little embarrassed. He meanders through a conversation and makes it hard to follow. Sometimes he makes the simplest things complicated. It seems that people get tired of listening to his long stories, but he does not pay much attention to social clues.
I wonder if he even notices that people will talk over him. Maybe it is not my job to fix him.
Give me little guidance please.
Discussion: It sounds like you have a decent marriage. The question you asked was do people change. Yes, they do. Usually when it gets so painful that it is necessary to change. It seems like your spouse likes to talk and joke around. Unfortunately, you do not find him humorous. He, on the other hand, may find himself quite humorous. If enough people walk away from his humor, he may get the picture.
It seems important to say that he needs to be himself and you need to be yourself. This problem is a small thing compared to other issues in life. You can politely ask him to cool it on the jokes, but that does not mean he has to. I would imagine he comes from a family who does similar behaviors.
Maybe the bottom-line issue is that he likes attention? In a marriage we deal with differences and suggest change. Maybe you could accept him the way he is because he is a good man and someone you love.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
