Problem:
I feel like I am living a married life with a man that does not honor or expect that he should do anything that results in him being labeled a married man. This is such a ridiculous issue. I am embarrassed to mention it.
My husband goes out with his friends to a local bar. I don’t go because I think he acts the fool if he has been drinking and when he is with friends they all act pretty stupid. I mean juvenile behavior grabbing at ladies that pass by. This is a small town, but I can’t believe that this is normal behavior.
I am ready to call it quits, but he swears he loves me. He uses a crazy idea that promotes the idea of boys will be boys. Am I crazy or is he delusional?
We have a family. He shares his views of life with our sons . We only have boys, so I fear he is teaching them his bad manners. What do you think of this?
Discussion:
I think someone must have taught him these pretty misguided views, and I wonder if you have waited so long to say something that he just took for granted that it was ok.
If you want a different kind of marriage, you are going to have a point of understanding. I’m suggesting counseling so that you both can learn to share a view of the marriage to see it needs work. He has a point of view and you do too. The problem seems to have no actual agreement about what the marriage should be like. I believe that this is a communication issue.
Share the part of you don’t want to live the way you have been living with him. Tell him you want to fix the marriage without blaming anyone. You do not have to accuse him of anything, just tell him you feel the marriage is not working as you expected, and you feel it needs attention. See where he is with that idea. Maybe he will be more accepting that there is a problem, if you feel that you need to seek help either for yourself or for you both. Put it out there. If he does not care to do this, get some help for yourself.
P.S. It takes two people with similar ideas to change anything in a relationship.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
