Problem:
I have been going through a lot lately. In the past year I have lost dear friends, and I am not sure how to handle all of this. My husband passed away a couple of years ago and we did everything together. It took me awhile to get through that grief. I got back to my friends that I had ignored for some time. They were lady friends that I grew up with a very long time ago, and we started to go to coffee and go to each other’s homes to play games and share our lives. I began to enjoy our time together. One of my friends fell ill and eventually passed after going into a care home.
I really had never thought of death to any degree, I just expected people to live. I guess my own mortality more or less slapped me in the face. The group of ladies were there for each other. We called and checked in but now were down to the two of us. Our conversations can get a little sad sometimes as we do our best to hold each other up. We’re both in good health as much as we can be. She and I have talked about loss and grief, but we’re both sad and don’t talk about the reality of us leaving this earthly plane. I guess we avoid the subject and act like nothing is wrong. I miss my friends.
Discussion:
Death is not anything most people want to talk about but here we are. We come into this world and we leave. It is a natural occurrence. I don’t think many people want to get too close to the subject, but it sounds like you need someone to get honest with.
Your friend is probably going through the same issues as you are, and maybe she could use an opening to talk about what is on your mind. It seems like we avoid talking about real issues that are close to our heart because we don’t want to make anyone feel bad. Perhaps the opposite is true, and we need to speak our heart issues. It is pretty heartbreaking to lose a friend and then close down and pretend that everything is all right when it isn’t.
You could bring up the issue of how you’ve been feeling, which in turn allows her to open up as well. I would encourage broaching the subject for your own sake and possibly for your friend. Be honest and kind in sharing.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
