Problem: My husband and I have a disagreement about a family matter. He has strong feelings about our daughter’s problem with one of her children. I have had many conversations with her and have not tried to interfere. I have never felt I should tell my grown children what to do. If they ask me and want my opinion, I will share what I think. My husband feels that he should tell them what to do. This has caused a few problems with us.
We all have choices and free will to make choices. I don’t understand that he does not seem to get this simple idea. On a personal level, I don’t want to be told what to do. If I ask for an opinion, that’s all I want. Truthfully, he likes to tell me what to do. He is not pushy so much as he is opinionated.
I listen to a certain extent, but ultimately, I’m going to listen to his opinion and put my thoughts together and come up with a better understanding and then make my decision. He has often asked me why I would ask his opinion and then not do what he said. I think our children are asking for his opinion and not asking what to do.
I’ve told him about the kids asking his opinion and not asking what to do, but he is stuck. I’m his wife and although I don’t like his method, I often implement his ideas with mine. What should I do?
Discussion: It seems like you are working at saving the children from hearing their dad’s way of communicating. I hear you, but it seems like this is not your problem. He is entitled to have an opinion and share it. My guess is they know him by now, and they know his process and that he will undoubtedly tell them what to do. If they choose to have a conversation with him and he starts telling them what to do, they have the option to tell him whatever they feel is right to tell him. Maybe you could accept that their communication is theirs and you don’t need to fix it. If your children become offended, they surely can speak up for themselves.
My encouragement is not to take on other peoples’ problems. You have spoken to him about what you think, so it is up to him to change or not. His communication style is directive and till he figures out that most people don’t like to be directed, he will figure out that he could possibly be more sharing than directing. But the bottom line is that it is his problem to fix or not.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
