Problem: This sounds a little petty to me, but I would like an opinion. I have relatives that invited themselves to stay with my husband and I, but it does not look like they have an end game in sight. They have more or less overstayed their welcome. They are nesting in our home, and I don’t want to be impolite since I said they could stay. I have never had to go through this kind of situation but it’s going on 6 weeks. The question is what do I do?
It sounds like I am being a bit cheap, but they eat all the food and generally make a mess that I have to clean up. How do I move forward without my house guests? It’s a touchy situation since they are family.
Discussion: I don’t think there is a way to get out of this situation unless you say something. They might be content to stay on as you have provided them with a place to stay, food to eat and a nice nest. It really requires that you be direct and suggest kindly that it is time for them to go. Truthfully it is hard to imagine that a visit has turned into a living situation for them. If they have jobs, it seems like they would have lost them by now.
I imagine if you have a spouse that he would be ready for some peace and quiet by now. It does not seem that they have a sense of what a visit is, so it is up to you to talk with them about their plans. Surely, you have plans for yourself. Maybe you would like to get out of town for a vacation, it would only make sense that they need to leave since you will not be in your home. It almost sounds like they are squatters who are enjoying a free ride. I do not have the whole story, and it does not seem like you do either. The bottom line is it’s a hard conversation.
P.S. Be more assertive. Assertiveness is expressing yourself directly so that someone can understand you clearly. “I would like to sit down and talk with you this evening about your visit.” That states what you want, and there is no conflict involved.
It is easy to take advantage of a more passive communicator.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at [email protected] or through High Plains Journal.
